bones

& I wonder if anyone I worked with has this problem..
I wake up in cold sweats from the same bad dream, no not the one where you can’t run fast enough, one more plausible to an adult mind.. you get up and go to work like you’ve always done, yet you feel like you haven’t done this for a long time. You sit and get to work, but you can’t do anything right.. you still know enough to know you’re making mistakes, but you can’t seem to think of how to stop making them. You get called in by a supervisor and get fired on the spot.

Had you told me I’d find myself retired two years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you, but here I am and where before I’d think my greatest fear was that I couldn’t forget everything I’d learned, now it seems my fear is that I have when I no longer really have need of it anymore. Most of my certifications have probably expired, and it’s not like I can just go buy the equipment I used at radioshack.. is this just a sign that I need to find something else to do with myself?

I’ve reached so many people’s sixty five at forty, and I should be greatful, but I’m restless as always.