forgets

oh, but i’ve been tired a long time,
and i think it’d be best to just let the year end
on it’s own.

One of the worst things about being sick is the inability to juggle everything youre used to mentally. It feels like youre washing up a beach youve been to on too many times. Bugs are always like bad prospective tenants who like to kick the tires on the jalopy too hashly. Turn the temperature way up they way down, then after a few days, storm out exclaiming, the rent is too damn high!

And then the rest if the band comes in and sings
Time casts a spell on you, but you won’t forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me

i remember walking hand in hand across the street
everywhere, until i wanted some sort of independence
i wanted to cross the street on my own.

so sometimes we are on opposite sides and we don’t
wait for each other anymore. there is no set pull or tug
when you’re going too fast or slow.

so i forget what crossing the street was for. i walk back
and forth. across barren highways at night, while i’m
supposed to be at work. and i skip, every now and then
in jogging my memory from a motorist approaching too
quickly.

it’s easy to remember what you want when it’s gone.
when you realize you’ve cheated yourself, and you have
to cross the street alone. and you are your own safety.

my head felt as if someone kept mashing the equal key on a calculator and the answer had long been forgotten and now it just kept adding up
I’d wondered why people are ticklish, you can’t tickle yourself, the brain tells you to ignore it.

As a people we’ve become exceedingly efficient at things. The other day while driving on the highway a truck kicked up a rock and sent it flying my way, leaving me with a large crack that ran the length of my windshield. Now, normally you call up a guy and he shows up at your house and fixes this thing in your driveway.. Like i said convenient and exceedingly efficient as you might spend no more than 1/2 an hour waiting on it. However i had time to waste and an imagination to sate, so i drove down to the place where they fix em. Here’s where things get difficult, as they’ve gone to great lengths to have this waiting room to entertain you, and there’s all these signs to dissuade anyone from going in the back where the real fun is. So let me tell you what i saw.. Lines and lines of glass for windshields and windows, sunroofs and those little ones that go behind the rear door that don’t really serve much purpose at all. The car whose glass i came to replace though is a bit of an antique though at 28 years old, so they dont have the glass for those readily available. The guy who works there looks through a book, says ‘aha’ then dissapears for a moment before reappearing with a big white mold. He pours in some sand and other things i don’t know, though when i ask what they are, he just gives me a shrug of his shoulders. He packs it together then puts it in a machine that fire blasts the whole thing. And though you can see it, you’d hardly believe thats how glass is made. Like i said people have become really efficient at this. They’ve found just the right temperature to use to temper them just right and everything. Though knowing all that it really pales to how nature does it with lightning. It’s one of the reasons ive enjoyed living in the lightning capital of the u.s., florida. After a good thunderstorm if youre lucky you can go out to the beach and find little hunks of glass where it struck.. The best part is, most people are out looking for shells or other trinkets, though admittedly youve still got to have a good eye to find the things, as theyre practically diamonds in the rough amongst all the shattered beer bottles left there too. Truth be told, even though its just hunks of glass, i think it’s magnificent how it’s made from such a tremendous amount of force, instead of efficiently engineered.

I never thought i’d get a better deal but i did.
When mouth had gotten me into the habit of trouble by correcting people at the auto parts store and the existence of tie rod’s not tire rod’s, i shut it. But old dogs came barking again. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. This man is always trying to change my beliefs, be rational man, it’s science see, theres no room for god in all this, we’ve looked out into space and as far down to neutrino’s and haven’t found a thing. Intelligent design is just that though, it’s the sheer marvel precision and unfallibility of things that is my proof. Cars are always an easier way to explain things, the way people just expect them to work without knowing how.

modified after 3 years. now onto other plans.

I wonder why my brain is so easily startled awake sometimes. It’s as if it’s privy to some information that something big is happening that i’ve got to see but that detail is left out in the waking and rushing to check my surroundings. My guard is never down.

When those first drops hit your windshield as youre driving you always follow them more intently than the road for a moment. It looks as though by somw geat luck you are witnessing a universe forming. Each droplet a small galaxy being Smashed and exploded into existence. And you remember your junior high astronomy books and look for patterns like a big dipper would be, an astrological roadmap it’d be. But instead the universe increases at an alarming rate, quickly covering what little space it had left, and youre forced to toggle the wipers on in the car for a moment and start it all anew.